Amuzing Story of Concern

Its amazing that a little change on Fetlife can yield an amuzing situation.
I recently changed my profile status on my kink account to “in a relationship.” Not because I am in one, but ever since I recently uploaded a sexy picture I have been innovated with “please fuck me” emails.  A friend, a lovely submissive she is, messaged me out of concern.  Evidentally a friend of hers had recognized my recent pic of being a home of a Dom she had played with some time ago.  They were both worried that “my relationship” was with him.  Evidentally this friend of a friend felt “rushed” after playing with said Dom and she felt he was in it to just get laid. I ofcourse asked if the friend enjoyed herself during play…Ofcourse the answer was yes.  To this I chuckled, in 14 days we have gotten together 12 times, sometimes play, other times “cuddles”. Cuddles is his term for vanilla inspired sex.

Why does this matter?  Well first, it matters because I realized just how kind and caring my friend is.  She was simply looking out for me.  Second, because I realized that this Dom may be more than just a playmate.  He has never “rushed me”, in fact he can’t get enough of me.  Third, because I wanted him to know, someone felt rushed…he would not have wanted to give that impression…or so I thought. Evidently per the Dom, she was hot but “lacked intelligence” and sadly it got to where he just couldn’t hear her voice anymore without slapping her.  This led the way to a conversation in what I could do to get him to slap me… he doesn’t like it when someone talks about a subject she has no knowledge on, Never! Expect to see his phone, especially after playing one time oh and this is funny…she kept trying to get him to eat chocolate!! He is Vegan and very health conscious. I
took mental  notes for future when I’m craving pain 😉  maybe I will bring over chocolate cupcakes with hopes of him making me eat them all….Yum!!

Change

I do not react well to change that is forced upon me.  I prefer to create the change in my life, I like to be in control in my Vanilla life.  My teenage son has made a decision that is forcing change upon me.  I am struggling.
For more than three years now, I have been the sole constant parent in his life.  He and his father have struggled with any sort of relationship.  At times my son would see his dad on the weekends, at times they would go months without speaking.  I have always encouraged my son to reach out to his dad, to accept his dad for the way he is.  I believe kids should have the love and bond with both parents.
Last weekend my son went to his dad’s house.  He decided to stay all week and now has decided he wants to live with his dad and the new wife permanently.  I don’t want to let him.  I want to keep him close, sheltered from his father.  My ex-husband is very judgemental, controlling, depressed, and an alcoholic.  However, the new wife does seem to balance him out from what I have learned.  However, I am fearful, my son will be crushed by his father once again as he has in the past.  I don’t want to see him hurt. 
All of my heart says to prevent this from happening.  However, it is not my decision.  My son is older, he has good decision making skills and most of all….he craves a relationship with his dad.  Who am I to prevent that?
I will support my son on the surface, although it is killing me inside.  I will still see him some, every other weekend I hope. 
I am struggling with the change…not seeing my son every morning, day, and night.  I will miss him, however, I am proud of him for knowing what he wants and making the effort to get it.

Change….it is so hard on me.

Memories

In your soul are precious things that cannot be taken from you

Morning Sex Oh How I’ve Missed You

It has been nearly three years since you have pleasured me in the early dawn.  Yes I know, it is hard for you to please me when I choose to sleep alone at night.  However, please understand, it is hard for me to actually sleep with others.  When I am laying next to someone, I often lay awake thinking if I move it will wake them up, if I fall asleep my snoring will disturb them.  The one partner I have slept next to did not desire you like I do.  He did not revel in the pleasure of reaching climax when barely awake or the connection of mouths that had not been brushed.
However, this morning you returned!!  Last night, after feeling completely  satisfied and at peace I fell asleep in the arms of a lovely man.  This morning, the sun still peaking through the clnight sky you appeared. So tender, gentle and passionate you aroused me, pleased me.  I instantly remembered the feeling of energy, adoration, and yes sunrise orgasam that only you can bring.  I yearn to feel more of you, morning sex!!  Oh, I have missed you so.

Feel like writing again

It has been ages since I have even thought of writing. So much has happened in such a short period of time.  I broke up with a partner of nearly 2 years, found a couple and became attached to the male half too quickly, and in my vanilla life, lost two pets, health scare and financial woes.
I am now able to reflect and see the positive of most recent events.  My partner and I wanted/needed different things.  He has now moved on and is happy…I will find that happiness again and this time I will get what I need and give what they need. The couple are wonderful people, however, she is simply not poly comfortable and he is not dominant enough for me.  I realized if I am in a poly relationship, I need a strong connection with all.  I also learned how much I miss a true Dom, not someone who is exploring that realm, someone who lives it and where Dominance is a true part of their soul. 
Although I miss my two dogs, they did bring joy to my life and now we have a new puppy we are growing to love….Kylo.  (yes after Kylo Renn, what can I say…kids and I are true SW fans!).  My health scare tough how precious and fleeting life is, to love the ones around you and not look for who you don’t have and most of all…to love and take care of myself.  Finances are truly a burden for everyone, my troubles are on going but I am learning how to be grateful for what I have, live within my means and solutions will come albeit unconventional at times.

I feel in a few months I have grown stronger and learned more about myself along the way.
Why do I feel like writing today of all days??
I had a beautiful experience with a Dom last night…for the first time in years I was able to release all control and submit almost completely to subspace…I woke up feeling satisfied, renewed and grateful for all I have been through.
S

Time flies

It has been several weeks since I have had the time to write.  A lot has happened, all for the best.  I am no longer seeing the couple and back to being single. Will I seek out another couple to date – no. Will I be open
to dating another couple – aboslutely!!however, this time I will vet both much better.  I may be renaming my blog, trying to decide on an appropriate title.  I will write more later this week.

Don’t wait for the perfect moment, take the moment and make it perfect!

Great Date Tonight

Had a fabulous night with a guy I met through an online dating app.  We shall call him M.  I generally don’t like dating apps, but joined this one on a dare and stayed for a whopping 24 hours….couldn’t take it longer.
In the midst of 50 frogs, I found a possible prince.  Within 5 minutes of chatting with M, we discovered we both were in the fetish scene and we identified as poly.
Tonight, we talked for several hours and over drinks and pretzels.  He is very laid back, he and his other partner have lived poly lives for several years.  The evening ended with a few nice kisses and plans to meet up again.
It was wonderful to get out and not think about the drama my couple (are they still mine?) are going through.  I have told them they need to work out their issues first and have taken a step back from them.  A great reminder to me on why I normally approach relationships slowly.
Excited to see M again next week. 

Don’t wait for the perfect moment, take the moment and make it perfect!

What Poly means to me

Polyamory to me is the ability and acceptance to love, feel connected and bond with multiple partners.  That’s it, very simple. 

Don’t wait for the perfect moment, take the moment and make it perfect!

Lack of Communication (Rant follows)

What happens when there is lack of communication? DRAMA!!
I don’t like drama.  I have two teenage children, they bring enough drama into my world.  Please do not invite me into your life if you are uncertain of me being a part of it. 
If you do not communicate your insecurities, hesitations, or preferences I will not know what they are. If I know what you are feeling, I will respect them and act appropriately.  Do not tell me one thing when you want something else. 
Ariel, the nesting female in the relationship recently went onto Fetlife (If you are unsure of the site, Google it….wonderful site!) attacking me for making her feel angry and causing stress in the relationship she has with Arthur.  Just hours before she and I had a conversation regarding the three of us, not once did she mention this anger.  She gave no indication she was upset, she seemed happy and was asking about a future event.  I felt blindsided and attacked. 
I can understand her feeling like she needs more attention from Arthur.  I have been in her shoes and know how jealousy can creep up.  However, I have always managed to work my feelings out privately with those concerned and get back to having compersion. For me, jealousy is rare and fleeting. I do not let it fester.
After reading her first post I asked both what was going on. She explained they did not have sex at all last week, and she needed more attention.  He shared that she felt neglected and he needed to pay more attention to her.  My response was that I needed to take a step back if I am causing stress on their relationship.  She never responded. He said it was all his fault for neglecting her and she wanted us to continue seeing each other, he just needed to give her more attention.  Yes, they are not on the same page. Less than and hour later she posts more attacks and rants, this time about Arthur and myself. 
This is too much drama for me, however, in the short months I have known them, I grown to adore Arthur. I am in a quandary of what to do.
I am not saying I have no blame, and feel all of us may have contributed to this situation.  However, every step of the way, I’ve ask how she is doing, reclarified boundaries, and have made every effort in respecting their existing bond.  I am frustrated with them for not communicating better with me and eachother. 
You may be asking what event led up to this.  The best I can gather is he is upset because in a span of just a week I spent one evening with him, 3 hours and no sex.  A few days later the three of us went to a kink party and he performed a flogging scene with me.  The three of us discussed this prior she encouraged it.  Him and I did have sex that evening at her urging.  She stated she was tired and went to sleep in their spare bed. (I could be wrong, there could be more but this is my best guess based in her rants)
At this point I do not feel she will be able to accept him giving another attention in her presence.  I am frustrated at her jealousy, lack of communication, and yes for not considering my feelings.  Not once since her feelings have been made know, has either one asked me how I was feeling. I realize that is selfish, however, I am a part of this also, I have feelings as well. I am not upset because of her feelings I am upset because she chose to rant to the world instead of discussing them with me first.
I am not talking to them about this yet as they need to work their issues out and I need to re-evaluate their role in my life.   I understand this is a double standard, but not sure it even matters what I am feeling at this point.
Sorry for the rant!!  Thanks for reading.  Opi8always welcome.

Don’t wait for the perfect moment, take the moment and make it perfect!

Am I a Unicorn?

I was recently asked this, along with Does the term offend you?
First off, why would I be offended by being compared to a magical being that remains a mystery and inspires dreams?  Yes I know some people use it in derogatory way, that doesn’t mean I have to agree with their interpretation.
Getting back to if I am that mystical creature.  Yes and no. It really depends on the setting. 
When I am with my swinger couple or when I am in that general setting, yes I view myself as a unicorn.  Why?  Because the relationship is based on fantasy and it is ever fleeting.  When I am “playing” with a couple it is simply to fulfill a sexual desire, on both sides.  One of my greatest turn-ons is being with a couple and watching him cum inside her.  I cannot explain the feeling I get during that moment.  In that setting I simply enjoy their friendship and the moment, we do not develop deep emotional bonds.
When I am dating someone, single or not, I do not view myself as a Unicorn. Why? Because our interaction is more than sexual desire.  If I choose to date someone, I want that connection,a bond, that tingly feeling when I see or think of them.  It is more than a mere fantasy fullfilled.
If I am dating a couple, that simply means I have developed emotional bonds with both. My current couple I am romantically drawn to him, with her we are simply fast friends.
Everyone has their own interpretation of a Unicorn. Everyone has their right to their opinion. I embrace being that mythical creature and I embrace being single in a poly relationship. I love having siffrrent dynamics with differebt people. 
Everyone should embrace their journey to which we call life.

Don’t wait for the perfect moment, take the moment and make it perfect!