He asked me to submit, within hours of our first face to face meeting.  Silly me, I denied him that first night.  We had been talking off and on for several months, but didnt really discuss what each of us wanted.  I could not submit at that time, I needed to know him more, build trust, feel a connection. I do not take submission lightly. 
That was four weeks ago.  In a short time he has gained my trust and I have allowed him to violate me like no other.  I am his “toy” and I love it.  He respects me, values me, and although firm, he is fair.  It is agreed upon, when I walk through his door, I am his.
This morning when I was leaving his house for work, I realized…I want and maybe need…more. 
I was under a 24/7 D/s relationship years ago with my ex.  It deteriorated when I lost respect for him and certain issues came about.  I never thought I would want or need that again.  I am my own person.  I value my independence.  Until 3 weeks ago I was seeing multiple men/women and I was content.
I now yearn for his touch, his voice, his orders…I have a burning desire to make him fulfilled and happy with me. 
Although I declined submission weeks ago, he owns me and he knows this.  Am I selfish to want more of the dynamic? This is new to him, he had always had a 24/7 sub when he’s had one at all in the past.  He has not had a vanilla relationship in 15 years. Yes, ours isn’t really vanilla but in his eyes it is close.
Is he satisfied with what we are building?
How do I ask him, I am so afraid of rejection…
I do have many questions, insecurites, and aprehensions; but what I do know is I want more…to be in his control, his mind, his beckon call every breath i take.

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2 thoughts on “I want more

  1. It is always important to say your piece. The consequences (mostly lost opportunity and regret) almost always outweigh the action and resolution.

    Liked by 1 person

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