I have continued to explore my needs, wants, and desires.  The Dom I recently have met has been a large factor in this.  For the first time in years, I am able to escape my worries and release control to another.  He did ask me to submit, and unfortunately I do not feel I can at this time, as I feel I could not be the submissive he would deserve or the kind I would want to be.  We have decided to devlop our vanilla relationship with occasional play.
However, I am finding myself silently submitting to him even when we are in vanilla mode.  I will continue to take things slow and make sure this is a good match for myself and him.   I am fortunate he respects and accepts this.  He may continue to look for a submissive deserving of him, and if he chooses this I wish him the best luck in finding her.  Perhaps in time I can become the sub I want to be and he needs. 
For now, I am having a fantastic time re-visitng my submissive side.

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