It has been ages since I have even thought of writing. So much has happened in such a short period of time. I broke up with a partner of nearly 2 years, found a couple and became attached to the male half too quickly, and in my vanilla life, lost two pets, health scare and financial woes.
I am now able to reflect and see the positive of most recent events. My partner and I wanted/needed different things. He has now moved on and is happy…I will find that happiness again and this time I will get what I need and give what they need. The couple are wonderful people, however, she is simply not poly comfortable and he is not dominant enough for me. I realized if I am in a poly relationship, I need a strong connection with all. I also learned how much I miss a true Dom, not someone who is exploring that realm, someone who lives it and where Dominance is a true part of their soul.
Although I miss my two dogs, they did bring joy to my life and now we have a new puppy we are growing to love….Kylo. (yes after Kylo Renn, what can I say…kids and I are true SW fans!). My health scare tough how precious and fleeting life is, to love the ones around you and not look for who you don’t have and most of all…to love and take care of myself. Finances are truly a burden for everyone, my troubles are on going but I am learning how to be grateful for what I have, live within my means and solutions will come albeit unconventional at times.
I feel in a few months I have grown stronger and learned more about myself along the way.
Why do I feel like writing today of all days??
I had a beautiful experience with a Dom last night…for the first time in years I was able to release all control and submit almost completely to subspace…I woke up feeling satisfied, renewed and grateful for all I have been through.