Ran into an ex last night. Well, he ran into me as he knows where I am every Friday night. Anyway, had me thinking about his “break up” text. Now mind you, his assumptions are wrong, as I was under the impression we both were seeing others and in now way did I want a “real” relationship as he puts it, with him or at that time. Anyway, I saved his text because it’s perhaps the best “breakup” text I’ve ever seen.
Here it is
Good morning! I hope your weekend was good. I have realized that I am being an obstacle in your life and keeping you from finding a real relationship and someone that is willing to invest in that relationship.
With me there will never be more than what there has been. I like you and hope that we can remain friends, but I have to give you the freedom to pursue something that is real. I think we have both been a safety net for each other, and that is probably what we both needed for a time, and I have certainly enjoyed it.
I have enjoyed getting to know you, which also is why I know that you deserve better than what I have to offer.
Again, I hope that we can continue to be friends.
He asked me to submit, within hours of our first face to face meeting. Silly me, I denied him that first night. We had been talking off and on for several months, but didnt really discuss what each of us wanted. I could not submit at that time, I needed to know him more, build trust, feel a connection. I do not take submission lightly.
That was four weeks ago. In a short time he has gained my trust and I have allowed him to violate me like no other. I am his “toy” and I love it. He respects me, values me, and although firm, he is fair. It is agreed upon, when I walk through his door, I am his.
This morning when I was leaving his house for work, I realized…I want and maybe need…more.
I was under a 24/7 D/s relationship years ago with my ex. It deteriorated when I lost respect for him and certain issues came about. I never thought I would want or need that again. I am my own person. I value my independence. Until 3 weeks ago I was seeing multiple men/women and I was content.
I now yearn for his touch, his voice, his orders…I have a burning desire to make him fulfilled and happy with me.
Although I declined submission weeks ago, he owns me and he knows this. Am I selfish to want more of the dynamic? This is new to him, he had always had a 24/7 sub when he’s had one at all in the past. He has not had a vanilla relationship in 15 years. Yes, ours isn’t really vanilla but in his eyes it is close.
Is he satisfied with what we are building?
How do I ask him, I am so afraid of rejection…
I do have many questions, insecurites, and aprehensions; but what I do know is I want more…to be in his control, his mind, his beckon call every breath i take.
“Greatness is not found in possessions, power, position, or prestige. It is discovered in goodness, humility, service, and character.”
Love this quote!
Let me preface my story by saying, I have met a wonderful man who is Dominant by nature and practice. I have not submitted to him yet. We’ve discussed it and decided to devlop our own dynamic, see where it leads, and to gain deeper trust and understanding of one another. Now, with that said….I don’t have to follow certain protocols unless it’s predetermined Play….time to take advantage of it. (Smiles and giggles)
It was decided I would go over to his house last night after work. I was so excited to see him, to have him inside me…I get there, let myself in, as he is sound asleep!!! It’s 5 o’clock…damn him for sleeping…I wanted him…what is a girl to do??
He was sleeping so peacefully with his hands close together…and there they were, the cuffs he used on me a few nights before. Slowly I clasped them around his wrists. Then I snuck my body under the covers and gently moved his cock so it was peering at me from his boxers. Paused for a bit, his breathing was still deep and rythmic…he was still asleep! I then decided to take him in my mouth, he grew inside me almost instantly. I then nugged him on his back so I could straddle him perfectly. His eyes closed, slight smile….he’s awake I thought…but no movement from him. I slowly placed his length inside me. I begin to move my hips, and use his cock to my pleasure. The more I rode him, the deeper he plunged inside me. I had my way with him, used his dick to satisfy my needs. When I was done, I collapsed on his chest, kissed his lips and said hello. Now he speaks…”you just raped me, there will be punishment for that.”
I was so thrilled with myself…and eager to feel his punishment that he has in mind for me. I removed his cuffs and before I could get off of him, he cuffed my wrists infornt of me. Them with one motion he thrust me off of him onto my stomach, knees bent. He fucked me hard from behind. He asked me not to cum (more of a command really) and I obliged. After he was satisfied, I cleaned him up with my mouth and then he went into the kitchen to cook.
Food smelled wonderously. We sat down and he began to eat. I was still cuffed, unable to eat. I politely asked him to remove them and he simply laughed and said “no”. When he was done, he removed my restraints and I finally wat the delicious meal he had prepared. I thought to myself, that punishment wasn’t so bad. As I joined him on the couch he whispered “I know what you’re thinking, that wasn’t your punishment, that was simply for my amusement. You deserve so much more for raping me.” I could see dark ideas brewing behind his smirk. Damn….what does he have in store for me.
I waited all night, but nothing. No punishment the remainder of the evening ….I am really going to suffer soon….can’t wait!!!
Its amazing that a little change on Fetlife can yield an amuzing situation.
I recently changed my profile status on my kink account to “in a relationship.” Not because I am in one, but ever since I recently uploaded a sexy picture I have been innovated with “please fuck me” emails. A friend, a lovely submissive she is, messaged me out of concern. Evidentally a friend of hers had recognized my recent pic of being a home of a Dom she had played with some time ago. They were both worried that “my relationship” was with him. Evidentally this friend of a friend felt “rushed” after playing with said Dom and she felt he was in it to just get laid. I ofcourse asked if the friend enjoyed herself during play…Ofcourse the answer was yes. To this I chuckled, in 14 days we have gotten together 12 times, sometimes play, other times “cuddles”. Cuddles is his term for vanilla inspired sex.
Why does this matter? Well first, it matters because I realized just how kind and caring my friend is. She was simply looking out for me. Second, because I realized that this Dom may be more than just a playmate. He has never “rushed me”, in fact he can’t get enough of me. Third, because I wanted him to know, someone felt rushed…he would not have wanted to give that impression…or so I thought. Evidently per the Dom, she was hot but “lacked intelligence” and sadly it got to where he just couldn’t hear her voice anymore without slapping her. This led the way to a conversation in what I could do to get him to slap me… he doesn’t like it when someone talks about a subject she has no knowledge on, Never! Expect to see his phone, especially after playing one time oh and this is funny…she kept trying to get him to eat chocolate!! He is Vegan and very health conscious. I
took mental notes for future when I’m craving pain 😉 maybe I will bring over chocolate cupcakes with hopes of him making me eat them all….Yum!!
I do not react well to change that is forced upon me. I prefer to create the change in my life, I like to be in control in my Vanilla life. My teenage son has made a decision that is forcing change upon me. I am struggling.
For more than three years now, I have been the sole constant parent in his life. He and his father have struggled with any sort of relationship. At times my son would see his dad on the weekends, at times they would go months without speaking. I have always encouraged my son to reach out to his dad, to accept his dad for the way he is. I believe kids should have the love and bond with both parents.
Last weekend my son went to his dad’s house. He decided to stay all week and now has decided he wants to live with his dad and the new wife permanently. I don’t want to let him. I want to keep him close, sheltered from his father. My ex-husband is very judgemental, controlling, depressed, and an alcoholic. However, the new wife does seem to balance him out from what I have learned. However, I am fearful, my son will be crushed by his father once again as he has in the past. I don’t want to see him hurt.
All of my heart says to prevent this from happening. However, it is not my decision. My son is older, he has good decision making skills and most of all….he craves a relationship with his dad. Who am I to prevent that?
I will support my son on the surface, although it is killing me inside. I will still see him some, every other weekend I hope.
I am struggling with the change…not seeing my son every morning, day, and night. I will miss him, however, I am proud of him for knowing what he wants and making the effort to get it.
Change….it is so hard on me.
In your soul are precious things that cannot be taken from you
It has been nearly three years since you have pleasured me in the early dawn. Yes I know, it is hard for you to please me when I choose to sleep alone at night. However, please understand, it is hard for me to actually sleep with others. When I am laying next to someone, I often lay awake thinking if I move it will wake them up, if I fall asleep my snoring will disturb them. The one partner I have slept next to did not desire you like I do. He did not revel in the pleasure of reaching climax when barely awake or the connection of mouths that had not been brushed.
However, this morning you returned!! Last night, after feeling completely satisfied and at peace I fell asleep in the arms of a lovely man. This morning, the sun still peaking through the clnight sky you appeared. So tender, gentle and passionate you aroused me, pleased me. I instantly remembered the feeling of energy, adoration, and yes sunrise orgasam that only you can bring. I yearn to feel more of you, morning sex!! Oh, I have missed you so.
I have continued to explore my needs, wants, and desires. The Dom I recently have met has been a large factor in this. For the first time in years, I am able to escape my worries and release control to another. He did ask me to submit, and unfortunately I do not feel I can at this time, as I feel I could not be the submissive he would deserve or the kind I would want to be. We have decided to devlop our vanilla relationship with occasional play.
However, I am finding myself silently submitting to him even when we are in vanilla mode. I will continue to take things slow and make sure this is a good match for myself and him. I am fortunate he respects and accepts this. He may continue to look for a submissive deserving of him, and if he chooses this I wish him the best luck in finding her. Perhaps in time I can become the sub I want to be and he needs.
For now, I am having a fantastic time re-visitng my submissive side.
It has been ages since I have even thought of writing. So much has happened in such a short period of time. I broke up with a partner of nearly 2 years, found a couple and became attached to the male half too quickly, and in my vanilla life, lost two pets, health scare and financial woes.
I am now able to reflect and see the positive of most recent events. My partner and I wanted/needed different things. He has now moved on and is happy…I will find that happiness again and this time I will get what I need and give what they need. The couple are wonderful people, however, she is simply not poly comfortable and he is not dominant enough for me. I realized if I am in a poly relationship, I need a strong connection with all. I also learned how much I miss a true Dom, not someone who is exploring that realm, someone who lives it and where Dominance is a true part of their soul.
Although I miss my two dogs, they did bring joy to my life and now we have a new puppy we are growing to love….Kylo. (yes after Kylo Renn, what can I say…kids and I are true SW fans!). My health scare tough how precious and fleeting life is, to love the ones around you and not look for who you don’t have and most of all…to love and take care of myself. Finances are truly a burden for everyone, my troubles are on going but I am learning how to be grateful for what I have, live within my means and solutions will come albeit unconventional at times.
I feel in a few months I have grown stronger and learned more about myself along the way.
Why do I feel like writing today of all days??
I had a beautiful experience with a Dom last night…for the first time in years I was able to release all control and submit almost completely to subspace…I woke up feeling satisfied, renewed and grateful for all I have been through.